These Phrases given by A Father Which Helped Me as a First-Time Parent

"In my view I was simply just surviving for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of fatherhood.

However the actual experience rapidly proved to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her main carer while also looking after their infant son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, each diaper… each outing. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he burnt out. It was a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The simple words "You're not in a good place. You must get assistance. In what way can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now better used to discussing the pressure on moms and about PND, not enough is spoken about the struggles fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan feels his struggles are symptomatic of a broader failure to open up amongst men, who often internalise negative ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It isn't a display of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men often don't want to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not justified to be seeking help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental well-being is equally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a pause - taking a few days overseas, away from the family home, to gain perspective.

He realised he required a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotions alongside the day-to-day duties of caring for a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That realisation has changed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to better grasp the vocabulary of feelings and understand his parenting choices.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without stable male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing emotional pain caused his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings resulted in him make "poor decisions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to things that don't help," he notes. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, confide in a friend, your other half or a professional about your state of mind. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. This might be going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, physical activity and where possible, sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is coping.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their stories, the messy ones, and also the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after yourself is the best way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the security and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their pain, altered how they express themselves, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their children.

"I'm better… dealing with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, sometimes I think my job is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a exchange. I am discovering an equal amount as you are on this path."